Love at First Ultrasound
The first time I saw you, you were a wavy blur on a a black and white screen. The doctor pointed out your heart, complete with its tiny valves and my own heart skipped a beat or two. We watched you kick your little feet and swing your arms and I began counting the days until we'd meet. I also remember thinking, Man, that little thing sure is hyper. My first inkling of just what I was in for!
From Butterflies to The Irish Jig
As you grew inside me, those kicks got remarkably stronger. What started out as a ticklish butterfly feeling soon progressed to swift sharp jabs to the ribs. I imagined you kicking up your heels like some kind of fetal Michael Flatley doing the Riverdance. Christmas and Latino-style music really got you moving. Also, the sound of Jim Cramer's voice on Mad Money - BOOyah!
The Arrival
Exactly ten days after your due date, you finally introduced yourself. Very quietly. It actually kind of frightened me how little noise you made. Daddy Libra (yes, you have two Libra's parents) gave me the play-by-play as the nurses cleaned and wrapped you in a blue blanket. He's perfect, were the words I still remember him saying.
And so you were. A calm peacefulness resonated from you. I held you close and breathed in your newborn smell. Your big blue eyes locked on mine and I knew my life would never be the same. I'm your Mama, I started to explain. But you had a wisdom about you that seemed to already understand. Still, I had to say what I'd been waiting nine months to tell you. I am going to take very good care of you. I promise. You looked at me solemnly and the oath was sealed. Now, four years later those words mean just as much to me, if not more, as they did on the day you were born.
Happy Birthday My Beautiful Boy!!
Tales from a Libra Mom trying to find balance where there is none - and other nonsense.
Showing posts with label sappy stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sappy stuff. Show all posts
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Mama's Boy
I'm sure it's just one of those never-ending phases that kids go through, but over the past year, Ciaran has become more and more clingy to me. It's gotten to the point where I can't go to the washroom without him wandering in behind me. I have to distract him with a toy or something so I can run to the ladies room & lock the door behind me. But as soon as he realizes I'm gone, he's dashing down the hall and pounding on the door shouting Mommy, Mommy! Let me in, I have to pee! So, of course, I open the door in case he really has to go, but 90% of the time he doesn't. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that he wants to be around me, especially since it wasn't always that way.
For pretty much the first three years of his life, I could come and go without him blinking an eye. He would stay with anyone and barely seemed to notice when I'd leave or return. Once my mother-in-law commented about how strange it was that he didn't jump all over me when I came home. Like all her kids used to. I'll admit it - that got to me. I wondered if I was a good mom. If I was, was there something wrong with him? Like maybe he wasn't responding to me in a normal way? He seemed almost detached at times. My husband told me to stop analyzing things. But as every mom knows, it's impossible not to worry.
Now it's a different kind of worry. I worry about him starting school. I know sooner or later he'll have to break out of his shell, but he's started asking if I can ride the bus to school with him. The first time, I sort of brushed him off and said No, of course not, honey. Only kids go on the school bus. Then he got really quiet and didn't say anything for a long time. Thirty minutes later, when I'd already forgotten the conversation, he looked up at me with big, sad eyes and said Well, maybe Nona can ride the bus with me. It breaks my heart that he's already anxious about something that won't happen for months.
What he's also anxious about lately is anyone other than me dressing, bathing or feeding him. From the time he wakes up in the morning until bedtime, if I'm not the one rousing him from bed, getting his juice and putting on his slippers, all hell breaks loose. If my husband tries to help put him to bed or read a story, well, that's just asking for trouble. Ciaran will yell at him to Go away! and I want Mommy! And it's becoming very stressful, especially after coming home from a long day at work. I'm not liking the solo mothering thing. I have a whole new respect for single moms, because honestly, that's how I've been feeling lately.
On the other hand, while putting him to bed after snuggling up with a bedtime story, there's no better feeling in the world than hearing a little voice say I love you Mama, you're my favorite girwil! Guess I'll just suck it up and enjoy this phase while it lasts.
For pretty much the first three years of his life, I could come and go without him blinking an eye. He would stay with anyone and barely seemed to notice when I'd leave or return. Once my mother-in-law commented about how strange it was that he didn't jump all over me when I came home. Like all her kids used to. I'll admit it - that got to me. I wondered if I was a good mom. If I was, was there something wrong with him? Like maybe he wasn't responding to me in a normal way? He seemed almost detached at times. My husband told me to stop analyzing things. But as every mom knows, it's impossible not to worry.
Now it's a different kind of worry. I worry about him starting school. I know sooner or later he'll have to break out of his shell, but he's started asking if I can ride the bus to school with him. The first time, I sort of brushed him off and said No, of course not, honey. Only kids go on the school bus. Then he got really quiet and didn't say anything for a long time. Thirty minutes later, when I'd already forgotten the conversation, he looked up at me with big, sad eyes and said Well, maybe Nona can ride the bus with me. It breaks my heart that he's already anxious about something that won't happen for months.
What he's also anxious about lately is anyone other than me dressing, bathing or feeding him. From the time he wakes up in the morning until bedtime, if I'm not the one rousing him from bed, getting his juice and putting on his slippers, all hell breaks loose. If my husband tries to help put him to bed or read a story, well, that's just asking for trouble. Ciaran will yell at him to Go away! and I want Mommy! And it's becoming very stressful, especially after coming home from a long day at work. I'm not liking the solo mothering thing. I have a whole new respect for single moms, because honestly, that's how I've been feeling lately.
On the other hand, while putting him to bed after snuggling up with a bedtime story, there's no better feeling in the world than hearing a little voice say I love you Mama, you're my favorite girwil! Guess I'll just suck it up and enjoy this phase while it lasts.
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