Mama's Boy

I'm sure it's just one of those never-ending phases that kids go through, but over the past year, Ciaran has become more and more clingy to me. It's gotten to the point where I can't go to the washroom without him wandering in behind me. I have to distract him with a toy or something so I can run to the ladies room & lock the door behind me. But as soon as he realizes I'm gone, he's dashing down the hall and pounding on the door shouting Mommy, Mommy! Let me in, I have to pee! So, of course, I open the door in case he really has to go, but 90% of the time he doesn't. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that he wants to be around me, especially since it wasn't always that way.

For pretty much the first three years of his life, I could come and go without him blinking an eye. He would stay with anyone and barely seemed to notice when I'd leave or return. Once my mother-in-law commented about how strange it was that he didn't jump all over me when I came home. Like all her kids used to. I'll admit it - that got to me. I wondered if I was a good mom. If I was, was there something wrong with him? Like maybe he wasn't responding to me in a normal way? He seemed almost detached at times. My husband told me to stop analyzing things. But as every mom knows, it's impossible not to worry.

Now it's a different kind of worry. I worry about him starting school. I know sooner or later he'll have to break out of his shell, but he's started asking if I can ride the bus to school with him. The first time, I sort of brushed him off and said No, of course not, honey. Only kids go on the school bus. Then he got really quiet and didn't say anything for a long time. Thirty minutes later, when I'd already forgotten the conversation, he looked up at me with big, sad eyes and said Well, maybe Nona can ride the bus with me. It breaks my heart that he's already anxious about something that won't happen for months.

What he's also anxious about lately is anyone other than me dressing, bathing or feeding him. From the time he wakes up in the morning until bedtime, if I'm not the one rousing him from bed, getting his juice and putting on his slippers, all hell breaks loose. If my husband tries to help put him to bed or read a story, well, that's just asking for trouble. Ciaran will yell at him to Go away! and I want Mommy! And it's becoming very stressful, especially after coming home from a long day at work. I'm not liking the solo mothering thing. I have a whole new respect for single moms, because honestly, that's how I've been feeling lately.

On the other hand, while putting him to bed after snuggling up with a bedtime story, there's no better feeling in the world than hearing a little voice say I love you Mama, you're my favorite girwil!  Guess I'll just suck it up and enjoy this phase while it lasts.