Sunday, July 18, 2010

I Fought the Law...


As revealed in my last post, when I thought I'd be hanging my hardened-criminal head in shame by now, I was in traffic court last week. The charge: Speeding. My first ticket ever. It's not that I don't usually speed. Oh, no, I speed. Every day. Not breakneck speeding or anything. And not if my son's in the car - I keep the speedometer right around where it should be when he's with me. 

But when it's just me and my Honda, I'm always going a little too fast, even when there's no need for it. I just can't get out of that rat race mode. Plus I usually have the music cranked, which, I admit, gets my adrenaline going.

On the day in question, I'm rushing home from work to pick up Ciaran and relieve my mother-in-law from a long day of baby-sitting hell duties. Like any other day, I am probably thinking of everything I have to do when I get home and oh, did I mention I have road rage? Uh-huh. I do.

So, when the driver in the opposite lane isn't letting me pass to switch lanes  it really peeves me off. Then, when I slow down to let him by, HE slows down too. There's nothing that pisses me off more than that - okay maybe tailgaters - tailgaters are total a-holes.

By now, I'm enraged. I put my pedal to the metal to try to pass him once again, but surprise, surprise, he speeds up too! I now start gunning it down this big hill, gaining pretty good momentum when - urk!! There's a cop standing right in front of me pointing his trusty laser thingie in my direction.

Bust-ed!

Now, 8 months later, I find myself at Old City Hall, having refused to just pay the fine and get the demerit points added. 'Cause I'm badass don't want my insurance to go up. Lovely building Old City Hall, if only it weren't the middle of July and the whole place wasn't completely sweltering with no central air!

Anyway, as I'm waiting my turn to talk to the prosecutor, I listen in on discussions going on between other prosecutors and law-breaking peeps and I hear deals being made left, right & center. Ok, I say to myself, I'm willing to play this game.

Then, it's my turn. The prosecutor takes my info without a word and starts circling & scribbling stuff on a piece of paper. He looks up at me, all serious and I'm thinking, that's it, I'm totally screwed. They're throwing the book at me for sure.

Then, in a barely audible voice, he tells me "there's no evidence", so the ticket will be dropped. I don't really understand, but I'm sure as hell not questioning it. Yeehaw!! I'm free, baby! All I have to do is pop into the courtroom and he'll call my name and like, officially withdraw the ticket in front of the judge and everything.

So, I'm chilling in the courtroom (literally, since someone had the decency to install an a/c unit in there), when who comes in and sits on the bench right beside me? The cop who pulled me over!! I know it's him and he looks at me like he knows it's me too, or is my mind playing tricks on me? How could he possibly remember me after all that time, all those tickets he's surely issued?

My mind starts racing once again. I start imagining one of those dramatic made-for-TV-movie moments where right as I'm about to be cleared, the officer jumps up and shouts, Your honor! This has been a grave injustice of the law - book this woman immediately! I mean, I did almost run him down that day, totally not expecting to see anyone standing in the middle of road as I sped down it. I actually remember thinking, Who is this idiot standing in the street and what's with the funny hat, right before I realized what was happening.

But, this is Canada, not a TV drama, and our court is really, really boring. So when they called my name and said I was free to go, the judge even gave me quite a pleasant smile and bid me a good day.

The moral of the story? No matter how much of a douche the other drivers are, cops are super tricky, so don't speed. But if you do get pulled over, stay calm, act remorseful and choose the court option. I may have just gotten lucky, but it was worth it for me and I did learn a valuable lesson; never wear a jacket and long pants in Old City Hall in mid-July unless you're carrying extra antiperspirant. Also, Marilyn Manson is not good driving music.

11 comments:

Cheryl said...

Oh, I have also chosen the court option. It's a pain in the butt, but the money saved is well-worth it. Congrats on beating The Man!

Sandra said...

Pam, you're so funny! I'm still laughing! I love the part where you're going to relieve your mother-in-law from babysitting...ahem...duty...
Good for you for going to traffic court. I'd just pay the ticket 'cause I'd be too intimidated. Or I'd say too much. I probably would have been dragged out in hand cuffs for confessing to pot smoking in the ninth grade!

The Empress said...

Oh, I can't believe this. I love your thought, "hmmm..why is that man waiting to be fun over while wearing a funny hat..oh,snap, it's a (whatever you call them in canada)
we say cop.

Yay for getting out of it. And I think the cop didn't remember you, but your conscious, cuz you're a good girl like that, almost gave you away.

Start practicing by playing poker. You'll get the pokerface down fast.

the mombshell said...

big sigh of relief, I was thinking we might have to come bail you out!

ModernMom said...

Yeah you! So glad it worked out! My new pet peeve....the officers in the black cars with the black OPP on it! you can't even see them. Now to be honest, I rarely speed and this still gives me a jolt!

allison said...

I speed a little bit a lot of the time. I've never gotten a ticket, but I would probably just pay it because going to court would probably give me a panic attack from which i would never recover. Way to fight the man. And good job not running that cop over (they stand in the road pointing laser thingies? Did NOT know that).

My Momma Drama said...

I really should have went to court over the ticket I got a few months ago instead of paying it. We have traffic school here and can go to that instead of having to pay the ticket and have it on our "record". Traffic school is MORE expensive than the tickets and I had to take off work to go, so I just paid the damn thing :)

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Good for you! "Who is this idiot standing in the street and what's with the funny hat," totally cracked me up!

Perhaps the other drivier was being malicious. I'll tell you a little story. When my brother was in high school he had a car that looked a little fast. On a bridge he used often he sometimes had people start to play the get ahead (let's race)game. He would get to the top and suddenly gun it. The other driver would take off and my brother would brake and then watch as the other driver get popped by his girlfriends Dad.
The State Trooper; )

Pamela said...

Oh, I don't think I explained the cop standing on the middle of the road thing properly. He was on the side of the road pointing the laser, but since I was totally oblivious to him in my moment of road rage, he stepped out to motion me over (probably not the safest thing for him to do as I got so close to clipping him I could see a look of frozen fear in his eyes!)

As for the other driver - he also got pulled over, so at least it wasn't just me!

The Blue Zoo said...

Whoo hoo! No ticket for you!!

I have yet to get a ticket. I think cops just arent all that interested in pulling over mini vans. lol

Tracy said...

Awesome!! Glad you didn't get the ticket...that would have been crazy!! Just remember not to put the pedal to the metal next time you little speed demon you!!

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