Friday, May 7, 2010

Friday Funny - Brought to you at the Expense of Some Kids!

I have to add a small caveat to today's Friday Funny, since apparently it's contraband. But it makes me giggle so hard that I figure it's worth the risk. I first got this email a few years back, before I had kids and I found it amusing. But now that I have, um, let's call it abstract artwork decorating my refrigerator, I appreciate it even more.

I forgot all about the email until my brother Scott also forwarded it to me recently. So when The Mayor first started the Funny Friday blog hop with the killer elephant joke, it got me thinking back to all three funny emails I've ever received. Let's face it, most of those "funny" or "cute" email forwards are seldom worth the clicks. Some of you may have seen this one before, but hopefully it will still make you smile:)

Before I share, I must credit this guy or someone will supposedly show up to break my kneecaps. Seriously dude, no offense or anything, but lighten the heck up!

I am better than your kids.

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:

Megan, age 4

First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen. F

Kyle, age 8

You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor.F

Lisa, age 6

Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit.F

Cameron, age 4

Terrible. F

Bryce, age 10

This one wouldn't be too bad if the color was kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you. On one hand I want to give an A for effort but... F

I win. When I go into work next, I'm going to surprise all my co-workers and put up pictures of myself instead of their ugly kids and their inane drawings.

More crappy children's art work

The premise: I can draw better, spell better, and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:

Jon, age 8

Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. F

Rachel, age 7

That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. F

Jason, age 6

This one would receive an "A" if the assignment was to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can. I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this. F

Seth, age 4

Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm! F

Kelly, age 9

This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers? F

I can't believe how much I rule.


The Mayor! said...

OMG I seriously peed!! That is frikkin hilarious! Nice try Hitler...bahahahahahahaha! But you're right, seriously dude, lighten up LOL! He makes me think of Dennis Miller...Dennis Miller is funny....HA! Happy Friday!!


Anonymous said...

oooh I love these! kids' artwork is always fodder for hilarity!

Bibliomama said...

It's funny 'cause it's true! Well, not really, but you can always pull off pissy and mean-spirited if you're funny enough. :)

Cheryl said...

I'd like to find this guy and kick his ass. Wait - maybe I need to lighten up? ;0

The Empress said...

Oh, the hairy firetruck.


Happy Mother's day!!

Tracy said...

Thank you, I so need to laugh my butt off right now!!!! Love it! sometimes....well many times I have no idea what my kids are drawing me. I'm too scared to ask!

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