A Truly Absurd Mystery Involving a Smuggled Chicken

A couple of years after we were married, long before the whole urban farmer thing became popular, we had a very unexpected visit from a chicken. Yes, that's right - a chicken.

I don't remember what day, month or even year it was, but I will never forget that strange afternoon when my husband called me into the backyard. It must have been spring, because there was no snow on the ground, but the trees had not yet fully bloomed and the grass was still that dirty shade of brown.

"Come here," he said, gesturing towards the back door. I vaguely recall getting frustrated because there I was slaving away in the kitchen and he wouldn't tell me why I should follow him. Finally I relented, but he still wouldn't explain what was going on.

"Look," he said, pointing at something on the ground in the distance. "I found it back here while I was putting away tools in the shed. Someone even blocked off either side of the shed and left it a bowl of water!"

A low, rustling sound from about 20 feet away finally drew my attention to "it". And it was not happy. It came running towards us, causing me to shriek in a way that's normally reserved for mouse sightings. I ran to the gate at the side of the house, the chicken at my heels, pecking and clucking. Luckily, we just made it to the other side of the gate & slammed it closed before It took a chunk out of my flesh.

After debating on what to feed this obviously starving creature, we went back inside and grabbed some bread, which I proceeded to hurl out the washroom window into the back yard, rather than risk being attacked by the crazed animal. Understandably, it seemed to settle down a bit after chowing down on its high-carb snack.

Then, we went off to find whoever was responsible for this seemingly practical joke. We called Tony's parents first. They live on a farm, so it was the most logical place to start. Had they finally snapped after living so isolated up there in the country? But, no, they were just as baffled as we were.

We knocked on doors. People gave us strange looks. No one had seen anyone sneaking a chicken into our backyard. I spotted a family down the street smiling at us and became immediately suspicious. Were they the culprits? No, they were not. To this day, they avoid me like the plague. And honestly, I can't blame them. What kind of madwoman goes around accusing people of smuggling chickens into her yard?

We called every one of our friends; if anyone was going to play a practical joke, it would have been more likely one of them, not a neighbor we barely knew. (Too bad I hadn't thought of that earlier). But, no, the friends all plead innocent. (We did of course, get a few inviting themselves over for a fresh poultry dinner).

The next day we got up and peered out the window to see if the chicken was still there. It was. I threw more bread outside and we went to work. When we came back home, there it was scratching in the dirt and pecking at the grass.

We couldn't keep ignoring it. I mean, how long could you keep a farm animal in the city? Surely it wasn't even legal. I decided to carefully open the side gate & set it free. No, Tony said. It would probably get hit by a car and then, wouldn't I feel guilty?

At that moment, someone knocked on the door. I heard Tony speaking to our next door neighbor's son-in-law, who had recently moved in with his family. He'd been away for the past couple of days and had "found" this chicken in the park. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I've never once in my life seen livestock wandering around the local park.

It seems he didn't want his wife's elderly mother freaking out over his stashing a chicken in her backyard, nibbling away at her veggie garden, so he decided to put it in ours, but forgot to tell us. The chicken was of no use to him, he said, explaining that it was a "layer" and couldn't be eaten. So, if Tony's parents wanted, they could have this one. They came the next day to pick it up.

That's how our house became the livestock trading headquarters for the neighborhood. I come home to find rabbit cages lined up in front of the garage door, dropped off by neighbors for my in-laws. They make deals during the day for rabbits, chickens and turkeys. Just the other day I got a phone call from a lady asking for a rabbit. Sorry, I told her, he can't come to the phone. I don't think she got it, but I laughed myself hysterical.

Happy Friday Funny all! Don't forget to link up your funny story, video or email over at Crazy Town.